I Need Other People

Lord, I’m back!

And I’m overjoyed.

What do you want to talk about?

Let’s pick up where we left up shall we?

Ok.

Patience – patience with yourself – avoiding reaching for the sake of reaching.

You know, this makes me think of my kids. I feel like I teach [my daughter] to look for ways to improve. But I suppose I have a lot of focus with her on what she’s naturally gifted with too…

Stay on course, Michael. Bring it back to you.

What do you mean?

I mean, you are accountable to yourself and to me to make the most of your life. Making the most of your life doesn’t mean learning everything about everything. It doesn’t mean finding out that you don’t know how to do something and then learning how yourself. That is very limited thinking. You need to learn how to leverage people. You do it in your job, somewhat, and you’ve done a bit of it in your freelancing, but you need to learn how to really leverage other’s strengths and experience. You don’t need to know everything.

Ok.

That’s not good enough Michael.

What do you want me to say.

Only what’s on your heart.

Well, what’s on my heart is that I can’t afford to pay people!!!!!!! It’s so frustrating. I have so much I want to do, so much you are calling me to do, and I feel like I’m all alone with it. It SUCKS!!! It’s been like this for years. I’ve even reached out to those who “love me” and I get absolutely no support. They probably think I’m crazy even. I’m just so sick of it.

Michael,.,

Tears streaming down my cheeks…

Michael listen…

What?

This is a time of testing, of growing. You have not been ready to call people to action in the way that I want. For you to have rallied people together may have taken you where you wanted to go, but you still need to learn to submit to me.

Also, I am with you.

I know Lord. But I NEED OTHER PEOPLE.

So, you’ve come to realize this finally?

I need other people.

I need other people

I need other people

I need other people

I need other people

I need other people

I need other people

I created you as a social being. Your isolative tendencies limit my potential through you. You have to break out of this.

How?

Admitting you need other people is just the beginning. Just like admitting you need me was the beginning of our relationship.

Ok, so I need other people. Now what?

Now keep your eyes open. Look for opportunities to connect. Look for others who love me. Risk being vulnerable. Risk being real. Don’t take yourself quite so seriously.

What does this have to do with patience?

Our talk on patience led to talking about how relying on yourself is limited, which led to realizing you need other people.

Ok, Lord. I’ll keep my eyes open, but I’m not sure how excited I am about this. I’m so used to being hurt.

I know Michael. You’ve had some rough experiences. But the best is yet to come.

I trust you and will act in faith, Lord.

That’s all I ask Michael. Sleep well.

What can I look forward to tomorrow?

Would you like to talk about BoW?

Sure, if you do, or if it’s the right timing.

Let’s do that. Sleep well.

Good night.

Patience

It makes me really sad to admit this, but it’s been months since I’ve done this – sat at my keyboard in prayer, asking God for His wisdom and guidance.

Lord Jesus. Heavenly Father. I come before you…

Michael, stop. You know that you don’t need formality with me. Even if it’s been a while, you can approach me with the same intimacy as ever before. Nothing has changed.

Ok.

Lord, I’m sorry that I’ve been distant. I don’t know… wait.. yes, I do know why. Distraction.

Yes.

I began choosing other things over you. It started innocently, but over time, my heart was no longer focused on you like it was. Lord, how can I avoid this happening again?

Michael, your lifestyle makes complete avoidance unrealistic. Your lifestyle is somewhat a symptom of your environment, but you have control over more than you think or would admit to.

Can I begin to take back control?

Of course, Michael. It starts with your next decision, your next choice. These last couple of days, you have been choosing me. That is good. That is progress toward intimacy. You have chosen not to drink in excess. You have chosen to focus your discretionary time on your family and on me. That is exactly what it takes to take back control. But there’s more…

Ok. What more?

Consider your life before this happened, when you thought our relationship, our intimacy was invincible.

Ok.

No, Michael. Stop and think about it.

I sought you.

Yes.

It was an active passion toward knowing you and relating with you.

Yes.

I felt a sense of strength in knowing that I was aligned with you.

Yes.

But I still feel strength. I still feel trust that you are with me and that you are protecting and providing for me and my family.

And I am. That will not change.

Michael, you have much to learn. You still have great spiritual maturity ahead of you.

I know, Lord. What is the next step?

Patience.

What do you mean? I hope you don’t mean ‘waiting for you’ to do something in or through my life.

Patience with yourself, Michael.

Patience with myself is a step in spiritual maturity? I don’t think I understand.

Patience leads to virtue.

Huh? I don’t get it.

Look up virtue.

Ok…

Virtue
1. moral excellence; goodness; righteousness.
2. conformity of one’s life and conduct to moral and ethical principles; uprightness; rectitude.
3. chastity; virginity: to lose one’s virtue.
4. a particular moral excellence. Compare cardinal virtues, natural virtue, theological virtue.
5. a good or admirable quality or property: the virtue of knowing one’s weaknesses.
6. effective force; power or potency: a charm with the virtue of removing warts.
7. virtues, an order of angels.
8. manly excellence; valor.

Well, I still don’t understand. I understand virtue, I think. But not the connection between patience and virtue. What am I missing?

You’re not missing anything Michael. Look at the words.

Ok…

Do you think you can be righteous without patience? Look at chastity – that is the epitome of patience. It talks about ‘knowing one’s weaknesses’ as a good thing – not that you’re constantly trying to overcome your weaknesses. Patience has to do with all of these things. You’re so quick to see a weakness and want to fill it. That is not wisdom. That is not spiritual maturity.

Ok…

Michael. Listen. You are not who you want to be. You are who you are.

Oh.. my.. God.

At this point tears are welling up as His lesson hits home.

You’re right. I’m always trying to be something different. Something more. I’m always reaching, and thinking that that is a good thing. It’s not?

Michael, it’s not. Reaching for the sake of reaching is not a good thing. Reaching for greatness in something that you know you are meant for is something else. Allowing me to work through you to achieve greatness is best.

Ok, so what do I do about it?

We’ll save that for tomorrow night. I want consistency with you Michael. It’s for your own good.

Ok, Lord. Thank you and I love you.

Don’t say it, demonstrate it.

Faking it doesn’t count

Tonight as I was in prayer, I received direction in a way that I felt I needed to record here.

Basically, I laid down in bed, after watching TV basically all night and playing a game (Texas Hold ‘Em for play money) on my phone and I proceeded with prayer.  It went somewhat like this (paraphrased in retrospect):

Lord, I praise you. I humbly bow before your feet.

I had done this before. I picture myself physically before Christ, bowing down at His feet, sometimes in tears, but just basically in total reverence. The response, this time, was different.

Michael, get up.

What? No, Lord. I want to praise you.

Get up.

You won’t let me praise you? Is it something I’ve done? Have I not repented of some sin?

There is sin that needs repentance, but that is not why I want you to get up.

Then why?

I’m not going to say.

You won’t let me praise you, and you won’t tell me why?

I laid in silence with a clear mind for a few moments and I believe the answer came to me.

Is it because laying here visualizing myself bowing before you and saying I praise you is not actually genuine?

Exactly, Michael. You glorify me by your choices. What will you choose? Poker or prayer? Games or God? Work or your wife? Alcohol or a life?

You have reached a level of maturity where faking it is no longer effective. You’ve seen, heard, and felt the real thing. Now you need to choose it.

Who is really the lord of your life right now?

The answer came from within, not what felt like a conscious answer:

I am.

That’s right. You must choose to submit yourself as you once did. Only then can you call me Lord. I am and will always be your Savior, but for our relationship to be fruitful, I must also be your Lord.

I choose you Lord.

The words aren’t enough, Michael. Demonstrate your faith.

I understand.

I then had the repeated urge to journal this prayer – it wouldn’t let go of me. I’m going to bed again, and will again try to resume prayer, but will likely not journal again tonight.