Vulnerability

Heavenly Father, I’m coming to you as a father to a Father. How can I do a better job as a parent?

You can start by being honest.

What do you mean? Is there something I haven’t been or aren’t being honest about?

Yes and no. You are honest to the extent that you are not vulnerable. But it’s vulnerability that is what true relationships are built upon. You can teach your daughters all the ‘stuff’ in the world, but what good is it if they don’t have a true and deep relationship with their father?

You’re right… of course. I’m so busy trying to teach that I don’t understand that they learn from my actions more than from my words. Is there something you want me to be vulnerable with?

Yes, Michael.

What is it Lord?

I want you to be vulnerable with them about your shortcomings.. the things you are not the best at. Show them that it’s ok to have challenges and struggles in some areas. Become more real to your daughters and you will be blessed through it. Get your pride out of the way and understand that other people don’t really care about how great you are or how much you know about every single little thing.

Yes, Lord. Thank you for your wisdom Lord. Please excuse my short prayer time. I am very tired.

Sleep well Michael.

Acting in faith

Lord Jesus. I pray that my pursuit of a partnership with Saddleback Church on BoW is pleasing to you.

It is, Michael. You have much to do, but I will provide the means to do it.

What does that mean, specifically?

I want you to trust me Michael. Choose obedience and bring yourself more closely into my presence and will. Be there and my will provides for itself.

That’s an interesting distinction. You don’t provide for me, you provide for your will?

I bless you and provide for myself.

So if I donate my money to launch BoW, then is that your provision?

No, Michael. That is your obedience, which brings you into my will. I have blessed you and you are to obey by allowing that blessing to bless others. Once you are in my will, things will seem to ‘take off’.

So it’s like an act of faith.

No Michael. It’s an act of obedience. Faith is not what many think it is. Faith is not blind hope. Faith is putting your trust in something. When you obey me, you are acting in faith.. You are obedient because you trust me.

Are you distinguishing saying “act of faith” and “acting in faith”?

In a way, yes. Words carry great importance. The misplacement of a comma can mean the difference between truth and perversion.

So what’s the distinction? I’m not seeing it.

The distinction is in the intent. An “act of faith” implies that you are doing something because of some hope in something. “Acting in faith” means that what you are doing is done within the context of faith or trust.

I still don’t get it.

Read my words.

…

With an “act of faith” the intent is on a false hope? While “acting in faith” means that you’re operating within trust?

Yes, Michael.

That seems like such a minute difference in words.

Michael, false hope is not the same thing as trust. False hope is a path to destruction.

Is an “act of faith” necessarily based on a false hope?

Think about your own experience, Michael. If you were to do something as an “act of faith” what would that entail or signify to you?

It would signify that I am doing something in spite of what I think I should or in spite of what I think is ‘safe’ in trust that the result or consequence will be favorable, or of your will.

No Michael. You’re confusing yourself. Think about it again.

Performing an “act of faith” would be like tithing when I don’t really want to.

Yes Michael. Good example.

Ok, how so? I’m not really sure how I came up with that.

That’s because it was from me. When you tithe despite not really wanting to, is that an “act of faith” or is that “acting in faith”?

Um… isn’t it both?

Let me help. It’s not both. Tithing despite not wanting to means that you are doing something with the hope (a false hope) that you will be blessed in some way or even that other people will see your act and look favorably upon it. That is not the same as “acting in faith”. Being “in faith” means that you are in my will, and that you understand what I expect from you, or rather the laws of right living that I have established, and you know (not hope, but know) from prior experience in relationship with me that my will and guidance can always be trusted for your good. It’s the difference between a reluctant giver and a cheerful giver.

Ok, I suppose I see the point. I’ll act in faith and trust you.

Michael, don’t dilute what I’m teaching you here.

I wasn’t trying to.

You’re trying to make light of something that I want you to take seriously and understand. When you make light of something, you risk not learning from it and just passing by the lesson.

Ok. I’m sorry Lord.

Start by bringing yourself into intimate communion with me. Then trust and acting in faith will be the fruit.

Ok. Thank you Lord.

Good night Michael.

It’s His Will!

Lord Jesus. I just wanted to come before you and thank you for all you have blessed me with. A beautiful family I adore, prosperity, love.. but mostly the opportunity to know you. I treasure the time we have together and am so blessed that I have a record of it in this journal. I doubt that many people have such a thing. I really want to serve you by leveraging web technology to bring your church into closer communion with you. There, I said it. That is what I want, it’s what I feel drawn to.

But I have a question.. so I ‘came clean’ in a way just now by saying that leveraging the web for your kingdom was what I want. Does that make it a “work”? Does that make it ..

Stop, Michael. One of these questions at a time.

Ok.. If I invest my time into a ministry that is something that I want to do, does that make it a “work”?

What do you mean by “work”?

I suppose I mean, does that puff up my pride and cause me to look at the results of my effort as my merit?

Michael, I don’t have to tell you something explicitly (in words) in order to communicate with you, or influence you. Why do you feel you want to do this?

Honestly, I’m not really sure. I mean, naturally speaking, there are many things I’d rather be doing. Also, I know that I do not earn your grace and mercy. So I feel like it’s not a pride thing.

You’re right Michael. It is not a pride thing. You can test that by what your work points to – does it point to me or does it point to you?

In my mind it points to you.

What do you mean “in your mind”?

I mean that I know that my mind can play tricks on me. I may think something, but my words may conceal a different heart or intent. Can you tell me whether my intent is pure with this ministry (BoW)?

It is Michael. You’ve had many tests along the way and have persevered. As I told you before, I placed in you a burning desire to make a difference, to make an impact in people’s lives. I know that your intent is not money, but you’ve also struggled with the temptation of focusing on the money. Your choice to go with a non-profit business structure is very telling. I know that you’d like to make your living in ministry, and you can, but your choice tells me that you’re not in this to get rich.

Ok. So may I ask my other question?

Yes.

Hmm.. I forgot what it was… oh yeah.. does my admission that this ministry is what I want mean that this is of my will and not yours?

Michael, as our communion grows, my will becomes your will. That is a sign of alignment, of intimacy. How can I not be blessed with a ministry that is focused on discipleship and fellowship, assuming that your heart is pure in doing so, which we’ve already addressed?

I understand. So, even though I want something, doesn’t mean that it’s not also what you want? Your will influences my will?

That’s the whole point, Michael. I want to flow freely through you. I want to influence you on a moment-by-moment basis. There may be times that you need confirmation of my will, but as our communion becomes more intimate, you will “feel” my will as part of your will. You will identify a desire and know that it is from me. The more freely you allow me to flow through you (the more you focus on our communion and trust my influence), the more I will be able to do through you. The point is to get your self out of the way – subject your will to mine.

I understand. So BoW is your will?

Yes, Michael. Be comforted and know that I am with you in this ministry. What you are doing by reaching out to Rick will be a confirmation – I want you to trust me in this. I know you feel some fear in “putting yourself out there” with him, but it will result in confirmation.

Lord Jesus, I just want to make sure that I’m truly hearing from you, as I’m hearing you tell me about the future, which I have not been comfortable with in the past, and you had told me that you were not going to do.

Micheal, this is but one step in your journey. My wisdom and blessing is timeless, why would I withhold that from you? It is simply a matter of readiness. This is a small matter, but you will receive confirmation, but it will take a lot of work.

I’m fine with it taking a lot of work. Is it true that the work will feel effortless?

The closer in tune you are with me, the more intimate our communion and the more freely I am flowing through you, the less burdensome my work will be through you.

Will this require me to sacrifice my current job?

It may at some point; we’ll leave that question alone for now. I will not ask you to put your family in harms way. I want to bless you, not deprive you. However, sometimes blessing is found in deprivation. But you already acknowledge that I am your source of prosperity, so that lesson doesn’t need to be taught. You do need to learn charity and tithing though.

I know. I am putting money aside for BoW.

Go ahead, say what you were going to say.

Does that count?

Good, you were honest. Let’s explore those three words. What do you think it would count for?

I don’t know.. receiving the blessing associated with giving?

The blessing is in sacrificial giving. When you sacrifice with a pure heart, you receive abundantly. It’s a law.

So, what if I made a commitment to you, just like what Rick Warren did?

What are you looking to receive by committing something to me?

The reciprocation of that law.

Ok, so what are you committing?

I commit that I will only collect a maximum of 20% of the revenues generated by Beginning of Wisdom. At least 80% will always go back into the ministry or forming other ministries or contributing to other ministries.

That is generous Michael. So if the ministry takes in $1 mil, and the ministry has expenses of $500k, you’ll collect up to $200k and invest the other $300k in new ministries or other ministries?

That sounds right, but $200k is a lot of money. It seems like that would be greedy.

Michael, prosperity is not greed. The only way it would turn into greed is if the money you collect gets in the way of my will. If I’m calling you to do something (even if it’s perceived as your own desire), and you decline because you want to collect your $200k, then that is greed.

I understand.

Remember this Michael. This will be important.

Doesn’t 20% sound like a lot?

It’s a cap Michael, it doesn’t mean that you’ll take it. In fact it’s even a good place to start, so that you can move out of your current job into a full-time focus on my will, and it is a starting point for greater tithing in the future.

Ok.. I trust you.

Don’t get hung up on the dollars. It could just as easily be $10k revenue and you take $2k for leading, driving, implementing, promoting, etc. I didn’t say it was going to be easy.

I understand. Thank you Lord.  I need to get some rest now.

Sleep well Michael.

The Power to Heal

Lord Jesus. I’m here. I’m here to be with you, to listen, to learn. I feel that the first thing I should do is recognize how I have been astray so that I can get that sin behind me.

Lord, I repent of my drinking. I know it’s been out of control again. I pray that you are pleased when I choose to obey your word.

Michael, I am more than pleased – I am blessed by your obedience. I am blessed in that your obedience brings you closer to or into communion with me.

Lord, it gives me great joy that I can have that impact on you.

You do not seem joyful – you seem mournful. Michael, I know why you are mournful, and I want you to know that you don’t have to be.

Why? It’s deeply saddening to me that my instinct is no longer communion with You, Lord. My instinct is back on distractions. I’ve fallen out of interest in my freelancing pursuits, which I thought were from you. I’m just frustrated.

Michael, your pursuits are not what interest me, and can be a distraction in and of themselves. Your interests were from me, as we have had intimate communion in order for you to receive those interests from me, but those interests are not necessarily used in the way that I would call the “end goal” of those interests.

What does that mean?

It means that I am always preparing you. I am blessing you, through your obedience, into greater knowledge and power in order so that I may do my work through you.

I thought that you could simply inspire me with your infinite wisdom?

I could, but you wouldn’t trust it without the context of practical knowledge. You would dismiss it as a fleeting thought rather than the inspiration it represents. Or, you would not know how to implement the inspiration.

But that is not why we are here. there is much more to talk about.

Like what, Lord?

You tell me Michael. Open up so that you may receive. Give so that you may receive.

Well, I suppose that it was interesting to hear from my brother that my father is struggling right now with the state of my relationship with him. It sounds like he has a number of things that have him down.

Go on. Open up.

I feel that I’ve done my part. I’ve communicated that I’m available to work on reconciliation, but that I’m not interested in being spoken to in the manner that he was, so my term was that he contact me when he’s ready to talk with the support of a counselor or a therapist.

And do you think that’s the right way?

I suppose I do, but I’m starting to get the sense that it’s not.

You don’t need a mediator, Michael. You need me. I can heal this relationship, but only through a person who is willing to be my vessel. The counselors that your father would choose from would only be using their intellectual power – what they’ve learned. they would not be seeking my power or guidance in the matter.

Ok, well, wasn’t I your vessel when all of this was going down with my dad in the first place?

Yes, you were.

And the relationship was not healed.

You did not call upon my power. The power was there, ready for you to tap into it, but it sat idle – you didn’t “flip the switch”.

I don’t get it.. I was your vessel but I didn’t flip the switch?

You were sensitive to my guidance; you called on me for wisdom; but you did not call on the power to heal the relationship.

Ok, so what does this mean? How would I have called on you to heal the relationship?

“In the name of Jesus Christ, I declare this relationship healed.”

That’s it?

That’s it.

Really?

Really.

What if one of us doesn’t believe it?

Your faith will make you whole.

You don’t have to work through the squabbles. You don’t have to tie off every loose end. You don’t need a person to blame for every wrong. All you need is my healing power. And all I need is you to call upon that power.

Won’t there be doubt afterwards?

Yes, but it’s how you deal with that doubt, which is from Satan, that will determine whether healing truly manifests. You must continue to affirm that the relationship is healed and you will see it manifest.

Wow.

That’s just the beginning. You’re thinking of this as the restoration of what you think is normal, which is actually pretty dysfunctional. My idea of a healed relationship is much more powerful than your “normal”.

What do you mean by that?

You’ll see. I’m going to let you be blessed by experiencing it without expectations.

This is amazing. I do have faith in your wisdom and your power. If you say this is possible, then I trust that. It’s just awkward approaching him about this.

That’s a step in faith Michael. What do you really have to lose anyway. Your father has had direct experiences with me also. He’ll understand that I do not work in ways that people would expect. He understands that through me anything is possible.

Do I say anything to prepare him?

You can tell Him that what you’re doing, you are doing in faith and that in order for it to work, that he must affirm its truth initially and continually and trust in my power to do its work.

Ok. Lord, please give me the courage to approach him to heal our relationship. I was going to say “reconcile”, but that’s not really what this is. It would be a flat out miracle.

That’s the best kind of healing, and it’s in your power to command.

Thank you Lord.