Confused

[This is a transcription of an audio recorded entry]

Today I was listening to Miles’ sermon from this last weekend, and it’s interesting because I listened to it this morning on my way to work and there was a whole section of the message that I actually didn’t catch while I was driving and I don’t know why but I didn’t remember hearing it and as I’m listening to it back again, I realize that there’s a really pertinent section in the sermon that addresses when people think that they’re hearing from God and that God is providing them with insight, which is exactly what I have been thinking is what’s been happening in my prayer and what I’ve been building on so forth.

Miles said that, the key distinction is whether that person is expressing that God is revealing anything that is not already in the Bible. He went on to say that He has one complete message; the book is closed and God is not the author of confusion; He has one message, and so forth. It’s interesting as I’m thinking out loud about this, and talking out loud about it, I think that the original premise for my prayer journal was that, or maybe not the premise, but I remember an entry I made a long time ago, that there is new insight available to me from God, and that prayer can, that He can share new insights with me through prayer. But I also remember that He has stated that.. I don’t know if I’ve had the feeling or it was actually something I recorded that I felt He was saying to me.. that all of the entries should hold true.. if they’re coming from Him, they should point to Him, and they should hold consistent with the Bible.

So, I’m a little confused. I’m actually very confused. And this goes back to my whole doubt all along about whether I think I’m hearing from God. So…

God if you’re listening, if you’re there, I ask that you show me your will. I ask that you would reveal to me whether.. whether this dialog that I think I’m having, is actually truly with you, Lord Jesus Christ.

Lord, I don’t know how to do this anymore. With what happened with the website issue.. I’m dealing right now with that.. and now with this message from Miles calling into question in my mind whether this is real.. again. I don’t know whether the dialog I think I’m having is real, is from you, or whether the feeling that it’s not from you, or the fear that it’s not from you is from you.

So, it’s interesting too that it feels like.. especially since I didn’t catch what Miles said in the sermon the first time I listened to it, and the content of that little one minute section of a sermon is so directly related to what I asked him (Miles), with my email – it’s very coincidental, I guess. I don’t know if that was part of your plan, Lord, or not. I remember that, in prayer, I felt you say that I may or may not hear back from Miles, and I’m wondering whether that meant that.. first of all, I know that you said that you would not reveal the future to me, and that’s fine, but at the same time, it was kind of like I got a response, but it wasn’t directly to me (Miles talking directly to me), but it was almost like I was getting a response through His sermon, directly to me.

So I guess that’s a key distinction.. is the key distinctly that hearing your voice and it being true would never provide new information, or that it would never contradict your word. I totally understand the point that you speaking with me would never contradict your word. I would never think of you to cause confusion.

But I struggle that you are not capable, or that you would not be willing to shed more insight over time. For example, my living environment is vastly different from those that lived during the time that the Bible was written so why is it surprising that you would share and help me deal with and attain wisdom through you based on my life experience?

So, Lord, if you’re there, I ask for you to respond.

Michael, it’s ok.. to doubt.. it’s part of the growing experience. These are answers that you need to resolve for yourself.

Lord, does that mean that you are not going to resolve them for me, and just provide me with an answer?

Michael, I can’t resolve it for you because your question is related to the validity of my input.

That’s true, Lord. Thank you. Where would you have me go? How would I validate.. I thought that I was following your call in reaching out to Miles for him to validate, but it looks like that was not your intent. Maybe your intent was just to raise this concern so that I would pay more attention to it and be more sensitive to this. And maybe this is the only way to really convince me that this prayer time is with you.

Those are good observations Michael. You are becoming more wise, and you are becoming more holy. It’s a matter of time, for you, and a matter of challenges and persistence, and continual seeking of my face. I will reveal myself to you, but it will be.. it will not be made easy. I look for a persistent heart.

So Michael, I’m going to take a back seat now, for a little while. I’m going to allow you to find the answers that you’re looking for. You have plenty of material documented, and you will get the material back. You need to use it, share it, and receive the council that you’re looking for, from other Godly men. Hear their concerns. Hear their.. confirmations. Pull it all together into one package. Lay it out.. you’re very good at organizing ideas.. lay it out, make your assessment, and come back to me.

Lord, who would I approach with this?

Michael, you know Godly people. And you know of Godly people that are available to you. Gather your information – it doesn’t necessarily mean that each response from each person is true, unless they themselves are responding based on wisdom from me, and direct communion with me. But put it all together, like I said, and make your assessment and come back to me.

So, Lord, my blog entries are safe? I have what I need and they’ll be recoverable?

Yes, Michael. Move forward with your multi-site network. When you recover your entries, import them into your personal site, and get that set up and about the time you have that set up you should have some answers.

I’ll have answers?? But, I have to have the entries available to other people in order to have answers, and I wouldn’t have those into the system until.. .. .. Well, I’m not sure what’s happening, but, I lost my train of thought, but, it feels like the course that you’re calling me to is a good one, but I need to temper the responses I receive from men, with your Word. Is that correct?

Yes, Michael.

And your Word as defined as the Bible.

Yes, Michael. But remember that the reason you’re doing this is to be assured that, or to find out for yourself that, it’s Biblical that you would be able to hear from me, learn new insights that are not necessarily in the Bible, but do not contradict the Bible. That is the point.

Ok, I understand Lord. Thank you. I love you.