Faking it doesn’t count

Tonight as I was in prayer, I received direction in a way that I felt I needed to record here.

Basically, I laid down in bed, after watching TV basically all night and playing a game (Texas Hold ‘Em for play money) on my phone and I proceeded with prayer.  It went somewhat like this (paraphrased in retrospect):

Lord, I praise you. I humbly bow before your feet.

I had done this before. I picture myself physically before Christ, bowing down at His feet, sometimes in tears, but just basically in total reverence. The response, this time, was different.

Michael, get up.

What? No, Lord. I want to praise you.

Get up.

You won’t let me praise you? Is it something I’ve done? Have I not repented of some sin?

There is sin that needs repentance, but that is not why I want you to get up.

Then why?

I’m not going to say.

You won’t let me praise you, and you won’t tell me why?

I laid in silence with a clear mind for a few moments and I believe the answer came to me.

Is it because laying here visualizing myself bowing before you and saying I praise you is not actually genuine?

Exactly, Michael. You glorify me by your choices. What will you choose? Poker or prayer? Games or God? Work or your wife? Alcohol or a life?

You have reached a level of maturity where faking it is no longer effective. You’ve seen, heard, and felt the real thing. Now you need to choose it.

Who is really the lord of your life right now?

The answer came from within, not what felt like a conscious answer:

I am.

That’s right. You must choose to submit yourself as you once did. Only then can you call me Lord. I am and will always be your Savior, but for our relationship to be fruitful, I must also be your Lord.

I choose you Lord.

The words aren’t enough, Michael. Demonstrate your faith.

I understand.

I then had the repeated urge to journal this prayer – it wouldn’t let go of me. I’m going to bed again, and will again try to resume prayer, but will likely not journal again tonight.