Lord, Help!

[This is a transcription of an audio recorded entry]

This is a voice entry about what’s going on right now and I just wanted to express it and record it, so I don’t lose sight of my train of thought on this, and so I can invite God’s guidance and help in getting it resolved.

So last night I felt called to take action on the Beginning of Wisdom website, and to implement the multi-site feature where other users will be able to sign up and create their own site. This would be a very cool feature and something that I’ve been feeling that God has been calling me toward for a long time. So, I felt called to take action last night, I felt pulled by the Holy Spirit to do so, and it looks like I’m running into some snags, some problems.

Basically, the bottom line is that it looks like I may have lost all of my journal entries from before this enhancement. I created backups using a utility within the WordPress site, and for some reason I’m not able to import those back ups back into the WordPress site so that it will recreate those records for me. So I don’t know what’s going on. I’m scared about it, but at the same time, I feel that, I still feel a sense of peace that my closeness with the Lord, my communion with Him, is not dependent upon my journal. It’s dependent upon my relationship with Him, and dependent upon the condition of my heart, which He’s continuing to work on with me, and to challenge me with.

So, I’m thinking that this is part of that challenge, part of that conditioning process. Because before this happened, I put a lot of value on that record of my walk with Him, and I do think there’s a lot of value in that. It’s wonderful to be able to look back at that and see that path that I’ve traveled with the Lord. But at the same time, that record is not the point. The point is where I am right now, and am I dependent on Him? Am I submitted to Him? Is He in control of my life?

I would be very saddened to lose that record, but that’s not everything. If that’s His will, then I’ll accept it, and I’ll move forward according to His calling. I just wonder, was this His doing, or was it the enemy’s doing. If it was His doing, then I can just accept it and roll with it. If it was the enemy’s doing, then Lord I need your help in working through this and resolving this and getting back that record of our walk. If it was Satan’s doing, then I’m going to stand up and I’m going to fight, and it’s somewhat of a challenge that’s been thrown at me. I know that with Christ’s support.. that Christ will prevail.

So that’s it. I’m scared but I still have peace with it, and am willing to accept God’s will, either way. If He wants me to have it, then He’ll help me recover it. I did everything that I could do to make sure that I retained all of that information. So I don’t feel like there was a lack a lack of diligence on my part, or a laziness or anything like that. If the Lord wants me to have that material, then He’ll make that so. If not, then I’ll push forward and continue to submit myself to Him, and be sensitive to His calling.