Naggings

Lord, God. I am here. Again, I do not have any specific purpose for this prayer, I am just here, opening myself to you. Please fill me with your spirit, oh God. Please fill me with your wisdom. I come to you now with an open heart and an open mind, ready to receive your word.

…

Lord, it feels different. This feels different now that I have let someone know of the website- now that someone can read it and know that it’s my writing. I pray that our relationship would not suffer for this, as I shared at what I believed was your calling.

Michael, it’s alright. I’m here. What are you looking for?

I was going to say ‘nothing’, but if I know you, by you asking what I’m looking for, you must know that I’m looking for something.

Yes, Michael. But do you know what you are looking for?

Am I looking for assurance? Am I looking for acceptance?

That’s right, Michael. You are unsure that you could really be talking with me. Through all that we’ve gone through together, you still don’t believe. What are you waiting for? Do you not see that without 100% commitment and faith, I cannot use you the way I want to?

I am so sorry, Lord. I know you’re right. I am just so concerned about what people think. Why is that? How can I get past it?

You know that the most joyful parts of your life have been when you accepted yourself to the point that you were not concerned with how others viewed you. You blared your music, without regard for whether others liked it. You said what was on your mind without over-analyzing yourself, you smiled easier, and you loved easier. You must accept yourself, and right now that includes accepting that you have an open line of communication with me, your Lord and Creator.

You are so right. How do I let go of the concern for pleasing others or being right in others’ eyes? My guess is that it’s not something I can decide or choose to do, that it’s a heart-thing. Is that right?

You’re learning, Michael. Very good.

So Lord, please condition my heart to accept myself for who I am. Please release me from the need to be ‘normal’ in others eyes. Please free me to be me.

Now you’re talking Michael. Release yourself to me. Release and receive my love.

What does that mean though? I know that saying the words does not mean that my heart is aligned. How do I release myself to you?

It comes down to trust. Trust me to make you more of yourself. Release your need to create your own image. You already have a perfect image, hidden behind your facades. Tear down the facades, tear away your masks.

But HOW? Lord, HOW?

Accept your true self. Do not stifle it when it shines through. When you accept it and allow it, its presence will strengthen for you, and will break through the walls and masks you have created to hide it. Do not be afraid to bear your soul to the world. That is the only way to truly accept love. If someone loves you, and you know that what they love is the mask, or even partly the mask, you will not receive the true joy of that love. Every opportunity, each time your self shines through, do not push it back. Recognize it for what it is, honor it, cherish it, praise me for it, and clear the way for it to shine out into the world.

Ok, so this is something that will take some time, then. That’s fine – I’m fine with that. I just had the feeling that it was something that I could turn on like a switch. I trust that you will be there to help me recognize these moments? Will you give me some sort of feeling when I’m experiencing my true self so that I may choose to do as you say and recognize it, honor it, praise you for it, and clear the way for it to shine?

Of course, Michael. But remember that you are also capable of shutting me out just as easily. It’s as easy as trying to dismiss what you think is simply a ‘thought’ but is me, knocking on your heart to respond to my calling.

I understand. I’ll look for it. Will it feel the same as sometimes your callings do? They tend to feel like inconvenient nagging of ‘shoulds’, until I recognize them for what they really are and obey.

Michael, that means that your heart is not right with me. If my callings feel like naggings, then your heart is not right with me.

I understand. I only say those things because I want to be totally honest.

And I know this, Michael. And I understand that you feel the way you do. It’s wonderful that you recognize what they tend to initially feel like, because that can be your warning sign that it may be me trying to get through. There are stages in which my calling can be perceived, depending upon the condition of your heart.

First, there is utter ignorance – a person does not experience any perceivable or comprehended signal of my calling. These people dismiss the inconvenience of the ideas they call their conscience. They have turned their back on holiness to such an extent that they hardly recognize any sense of warning.

Next there is the person who can hear their conscience and determines whether to follow their conscience based on whether they think of themselves as a ‘good person’ or a ‘bad person’, or whether they ‘feel’ like being ‘good’ or ‘bad’ – focusing on the world or what they know to be true, deep down.

Next, there is the person who recognizes my calling, but may perceive it as a nagging sense of ‘I should do this or that’. The closer you are to focusing purely on me, the more you will recognize my voice, and the less you will consider it to be ‘nagging’, but a true calling toward doing what is in your own best interest. This is an important state – you have recognized my voice. The more you focus on the world, the more these callings will feel like nagging conscience. The more you focus on me, the more these will be recognizable as my word. By the way, the way that you focus on me is by obedience.

The final stage is absolute renunciation of worldly temptations, a death to your prior self. In this stage, you recognize my voice clearly, trust it completely, and obey it fully. It is the closest and most fulfilling relationship we can have together while you are on earth.

So, what I’m hearing is that it’s obedience that is going to help me to recognize your voice better. Is that true?

Precisely. If you want to know me better, if you want to hear me more clearly, obey my word. Trust me and obey. In many ways, you have shown a lot of trust already. I am pleased with your progress, and love the relationship we are building. There is so much more available to you Michael. I’m here when you are willing to accept more.

Do you consider this website to be obedience?

Yes.

Do you consider me sharing this website with my father the other night to be obedience?

You know it is.

So I’m hearing you well, right?

When you focus on me, yes, you are hearing me. That’s obvious, based on the dialog we are able to share. However, there is more available to you in times of the day when you’re not sitting alone with your eyes closed in prayer. I am available, and I call out to you throughout each day. The question is whether you can hear me or whether you obey. Remember that sin is distraction from me. Whenever you sin, it will make hearing me impossible. You are choosing the world and I will not force you to choose me.

Thank you for your wisdom, Lord. I will focus on what you said, and pay close attention to my heart and your voice throughout the day.

It’s a process, Michael. There will be ups and downs. It’s something you experience and then realize that your life is truly better when you pay attention to those little ‘nagging’ feelings.

I take it that’s the process of maturation we talked about before?

It’s a part of it. A very important part.

Is there anything more you want to share with me tonight? I absolutely cherish this time with you.

Not tonight, Michael. This is enough for you to think about for now. You need to make sure you re-read your prayer journal entries, so that you keep these insights top-of-mind at all times.

Thank you Lord.