Proof

Lord, I am here. Again, I must apologize for my lack of consistency. You are asking for daily, and I have not complied. Why do I not comply?

Distraction. It’s a simple matter of priorities.

I think that part of the problem is that [my wife] doesn’t know that I have these intentions, and doesn’t even know about this blog. I suppose I feel like she’ll think I’m nuts for believing that I’m speaking to and hearing from God.

She’ll love you even if you were nuts. But imagine the alternative.

What’s the alternative?

She finds value in your record of communion with me. If you are doing this out of love for others, why wouldn’t you share it with those you love, and who love you, most?

Lord, I don’t know if I can do that… she means everything to me, and I don’t want to cause her any worry or doubt about who I am as a man.

Do you care more about who you are as a man, or about who you are as my disciple?

Honestly, I care about both.

Thank you for your honesty. I already know the truth, but it’s good for you that you are able to be honest with me. Why do you care about who you are as a man?

I don’t know. I suppose it’s an attempt / desire to keep a grasp on “reality”. I fear that many people who don’t have a relationship with you that would read these words would say that I’ve lost it.

Do you care about their assessment? Would you care about Miles’ assessment? Obviously you’re anticipating some sort of validation from him, but he too is just a man.

But, haven’t you called me to share this? And don’t you say in your Word that I should seek council from other men in communion with you?

Yes – but again, he’s just a man. His response can’t be the definitive answer. What if he responds that all of these entries seem contrived to him, what then?

I would expect that he’d be able to point me to your Word for clarification, then I’d be able to study those scriptures and pray to have you shed light on the issue.

So you’d revert back to what you fear is insanity to confirm or rebuke his input?

Where are you going with this?

Michael, I’m trying to help you understand your own thinking. Your mind is getting in the way of our relationship – plain and simple. Your fears are mind-made. Your doubt is mind-made. Do our conversations point to me or do they point to you?

They point to you, and in many cases, they cause me great anxiety and prompt me to do things that I don’t want to do, but it’s always in your name.

What other proof do you need?

I’m just scared that…

Stop. Michael. Your fear is paralyzing you. Don’t you see that? What would happen if you took me at my word, and did what I said?

I would likely be closer with you. Is my mind trying to keep you at arm’s length?

Yes, Michael. This is a very important time for us.

How can I move past this obstacle? Is this something you can help me with?

I will not force you to trust me. I will not force you to obey me. Those are choices. All I will do is provide you with evidence. You, Michael, have more evidence than most. You have a more personal communion with me than most. Yet you quaver. You get to decide to be bold.

Is that just something I decide? It’s not something that my heart must lead me toward?

Your heart is leading you toward it Michael. You’re resisting; your mind is resisting. Get your mind out of the way. You may validate everything that is said in these conversations with my Word; in fact I encourage and expect it. You may also decide to take a ‘leap of faith’ and resolve for yourself that we are in communion, you are hearing my voice, you are receiving my call and command, and I would not lead you astray.

So I just tell myself that is what I want to think and I’ll think that way?

No Michael. You just surrender to what your heart is leading you toward. I’m not interested in the distractions and pursuits of your mind. I’m only interested in calling your heart to be with me. In order to be with me, you must be cleansed of unrighteousness, which you have accepted in my son’s death and resurrection. In order to reign with me, you must be holy. You are on that path, but your mind is currently in the way. Your mind does not help you become holy, it only hinders.

But the mind is part of how you created man to be. The mind helps us understand you. Why would you create man in such a way?

The mind as I am referring to it is not necessarily your ‘brain’, as is true with how I refer to your ‘heart’. These are not literal terms as you would think of them. They are meant as figures of speech to help you understand spiritual concepts. You have the power to follow your heart rather than be controlled by your mind. You do this through conditioning. You do this through submission to me – obedience.

I’m still not sure I get it. How do I submit my mind to my heart. For example, how do I ‘decide’ that I am going to go against my fears and tell [my wife] about this blog?

It’s done the same way you ‘decided’ to share it with your father and your pastor (Miles). Your father gave you supportive feedback – no concerns about your mental stability.

Should I expect feedback from Miles?

No. But you may still get it – you’ll have to be patient. Do not put anything on hold waiting for an answer. Much of the value in asking him for feedback was conditioning – you were obedient in spite of fear. You can now take on something bigger – perhaps [your wife]?

Is it too much to ask for just confirmation from Miles? Can you please lead him to respond?

What is he going to say that will convince you either way? If he says that your prayers appear genuine, will that quench your fears? Or will they remain until confirmation from yet another man? If he says that you’re nuts, would you believe him anyway, or would you seek feedback from yet another man? Do you see the pattern? Either way, you’re looking for more confirmation from men.

But isn’t that wise council? Shouldn’t I seek council from those I believe are in communion with you? Not necessarily any Christian or even any pastor, but from those who have demonstrated a communion with you?

Yes, Michael. But not on the validity of your prayer. Most people don’t write their prayers down. They are much less effective for it, but it doesn’t give them a way to address whether the prayer was valid with another person. You are in a somewhat unique position.

Let me ask you this, if someone tells you that they prayed for something and that their prayer was answered, would you think them crazy?

No.

If they told you that someone was healed by my power through their prayer, would you think them crazy?

No.

If they told you that God was speaking to them through prayer and providing them wisdom and insight that you could verify was not of their own intellect, as well as telling them to do selfless acts of love, would you think them crazy?

No, I wouldn’t.

Michael, you are in a position right now that I wish my whole church was in. Most don’t speak with me, they talk to me. They don’t receive, they send out requests and hope for the best.

I’m sorry for my doubt and fear, Lord. Thank you so much for your patience and love for me. I don’t deserve any of it.

Sleep well, Michael. We have much to do.