What Was That All About?

Lord, I’m struggling with something. I don’t know what to make of the experience I had at the Transformed Conference. Please help me understand what really happened when I was having Kirk Cameron and Ray Comfort autograph my book.

What had happened was that I had originally planned to ask briefly how I could go about finding out how I could see about contributing professionally to the ministry. Living Waters is what I consider to be Bible-based and a ministry that God has His hand upon. However, I had not asked God if He wanted this of me.

When I was standing in line for autographs, I was trying to figure out what to say along those lines, when another thought came to mind, one of thanks. It seemed like I was going back and forth in my mind about whether to focus on asking for information for myself, or whether to express this thought of thanks, and it wasn’t clear to me what that thanks was really for, in terms of something specific that they had done for me. In other words, the thanks was coming from something other than ‘thank you for doing such-and-such, which did this-thing for me’.

As I became second in line, I noticed that I was becoming very, what I can only describe as, anxious, but looking back cannot understand what I would have been anxious about – these were what I consider to be men of God. As I reached the table, and stood in front of Kirk, it was like I was all-of-a-sudden on auto-pilot, like I was speaking, but wasn’t really in control of what was being said. What came out was “Thank you for the courage you inspire.” And that was it. I felt a sense of peace, but at the same time somewhat of what I would call ‘lack of consciousness’, for lack of a better description. It was like I said the words and only realized I had said them after they had already come out.

Kirk’s response seemed somewhat flustered until he eventually said “You’re welcome”. I could tell he was somewhat taken aback. Ray apparently wasn’t paying attention, and when he was handed my book, simply signed it and moved his focus to the next person, appearing in a hurry. I can understand if they felt awkward about what I said. It’s not something that you would typically hear from someone. To put it bluntly, I feel as if God was speaking through me. I don’t say this with pride, because it’s somewhat embarrassing to write this from a worldly perspective – I could be viewed as someone with a few sandwiches short of a picnic. But from a spiritual perspective, I do believe that God can, and does, speak through people.

I pray that this isn’t something that my psyche created, or simply a matter of nervousness or something. But again, the strange thing was the perspective the comment seemed to be coming from. Anyway, I’m anxious to hear from my Lord on this.

Lord, please help me understand this incident. Was that you speaking through me? Or was it simply a case of strong nerves taking over for some reason?

Michael, remove yourself from this situation.

What does that mean?

Remove your self from this situation.

… what does that mean??

This has nothing to do with you. I had something to say, so I said it. Do not think that this had anything to do with you other than you are becoming a vessel for me to speak through more so now than ever before. You are allowing your conscious mind to step aside from my influence. That’s a good thing. Your conscious mind, as everyone else’s, has a habit of pushing aside things it doesn’t understand. In this case, I needed to take control, because you did not relinquish it to me. Next time, I want you to look for me. You should be looking for me in all situations in life, but especially where there are others who are also looking for me, and actively seeking truth about me.

Yes, Lord. Does that mean that I should be actively seeking out opportunities to be in such places?

Yes, Michael. Of course.

So what was the anxious, less than conscious feeling all about?

That was your conscious mind trying to take back control. It was losing the battle, and produced a physical reaction. In the future, as you remember and are able to consciously open your heart to me, as you do so in prayer, you will have less, and then no, physical symptoms of this loss of control.

I don’t like the words ‘loss of control’. Again it feels as if I’m not 100% sane or something. I’m losing conscious control? That doesn’t sound like a good thing.

It’s not a good thing – from the world’s perspective. It’s a necessary thing from my perspective. I need people like you who are able to let go of your pride and surrender to my will.

I do, Lord. I surrender to your will. You have given me everlasting life in your presence. I will give you anything you ask. It just feels scary to do so.

Michael. Did anything ‘bad’ happen today? What negative effect did that incident have, other than your pride feeling that it would be viewed as less than sane because of it?

I guess nothing bad. After it happened, I got the impression that it was a particularly strange thing for someone to say – perhaps even pathological. Like someone who was working up courage to do something bad or evil would say as a precursor.

But that wasn’t the case, Michael. Why are you thinking through all these what-ifs?

I just wouldn’t want to cause people who I respect to have any concern that something like that would happen.

What if that was my purpose?

To make them think that someone was going to do something bad?

Yes. What if I was testing Kirk through you? Or, what if I just wanted to reaffirm something to Kirk, through you? What if I was using this as an opportunity to show you that this type of thing was possible? My point is Michael, you will not know the why for this experience today. All you need to know is that it happened and it was of my will. Trust in me for the rest.

Ok, Lord. I do trust you. I believe your hand is on me right now. I believe powerful things are on the horizon in my life, according to your will. I have a sense of something big around the corner.

Good. I can tell you’re excited. That’s good. Expectancy is also very important – it shows that you believe something is at work that is greater than yourself. If you didn’t believe I was at work, you wouldn’t have this expectancy.

I want to be a conduit for your love, Lord. Is this type of experience something that I should expect again?

Michael, I want you to not only expect it, but to invite it.

Yes, Lord.

Is there anything about the message I heard today that you want to clarify or correct for me?

No, Michael. Your role right now is not to communicate or clarify doctrine on my behalf.

Ok, I can accept that. Is there anything more about today that you would like to shed light on?

…

Lord, thank you for your hand on my life. Thank you for the opportunity to be a conduit for your love.

Michael, I’d also like to say that you can always measure your experiences and your doubt against what those experiences point to. The words that came out of your mouth to Kirk were an expression of encouragement to continue doing what he’s doing, which points to me. Test your experiences against where they point to, and against what my written word says, and you will have your comfort.

Thank you, Lord.