Yes, Michael, for what it was, you spoke with faith, hope and love. However, these types of communications should never have to take place via an informal communication method (email). If you would have asked me, I would have instructed you not to write back the 2nd email yesterday, and instead had you suggest to your father to meet one-on-one or with his therapist to facilitate communication.

That is always your best approach Michael. Come to me for my wisdom. You may not expect the answer, you may not agree with the answer, and you may not like the answer I provide, but if you are obedient, your life will be blessed.

Yes. There needs to be separation of the resolving of each person’s relationship with your father. There is far too much here-say at work, and too much gossiping (any gossip is too much). Your issue and the healing of your issue with your father belongs between you and him, no one else. Your relationship with him becomes the basis of any potential relationship you may have with [his wife].

A therapist is meant to be a facilitator of communication and (potentially) a source of alternative perspective. The alternative perspective needs to be measured against my word and will, but it’s usually at least helpful to hear how your view of a situation may be myopic. That is also something that I provide, but many people do not allow me to speak to them, even though they say that they want me to, and so the therapist’s role does have value. But again, the therapist’s input needs to be measured against my word and will.

I want you to forgive, Michael. You need to truly forgive her, for your own health. That forgiveness starts with what she’s done directly to you and those you love, and then you need to dig deeper into things that she hasn’t done, that you hold her accountable for.

Yes Michael. You hold her responsible for taking away whatever chance you had at a relationship with your father. You hold her responsible for taking your father away from what you consider to be his grandfatherly role with your children.

Yes, there’s more, but that’s enough to get you started. I want you to dedicate a prayer session to that topic alone.

You are right to be cautious, Michael. You’ve been hurt by this woman, and you fear the risk that she represents to you. That is understandable. However, people do change. I change people’s hearts every day. I am at work in her life, just as I am at work in yours. She is not perfect and comes from a damaged family, just as you do. She is not any more evil or good than you are, so do not pass judgement. Love her, pray for her, pray for your father. Be careful in exposing your family to poor influence, but do so in a way that allows you to recognize change in her. You cannot avoid her forever without seriously limiting your ability to have a fruitful relationship with your father.

You need exposure to her without your family around.

Talk to your father about this, and see what you can come up with together.

That’s not all Michael. When you are with her, be observant – not in identifying faults, but in seeing her as I see her. Let go of your mind’s impression and you will see her through your heart, which is how I see her. Pray before you are with her that I will be with you and guide your impressions of her. Pray after you are with her so that we can review your impressions and talk about next steps – whatever they may be. This is not necessarily going to result in a “changing of your mind”, but it will result in a changing of your approach, which is a key path of growth for you.

If he reads this, I call on him to pray to me for guidance before doing such a thing. I will tell him personally what I want from him in this situation.