Overcoming Addiction

As hard as it may be to fully grasp or understand, one day my life will be nothing more than a series of memories. Am I really getting (giving) out of (to) this life what I’m looking for? Am I the man today that I’ll be proud of one day when I look back at my life? I’m sure the answer is no.

I do feel that I have made significant progress in recent months, which I thank God for. It is through His grace and strength that I’ve begun to take care of my health again. I’m at a point now where I feel I’m being tested / challenged. If I’m able to pass this test, I believe it will result in another big step forward.

One of the things that I feel is hindering my personal / spiritual well-being is my obsession / addiction to computer games. Games have hurt my life and stolen months, if not years, already. I simply cannot allow it to consume any more of my life. I choose God and my family over the fake accomplishment feeling from computer games.

I need help though. I don’t think it’s fair to put [my wife] in a position to enforce or regulate to keep me away from games. I need the Lord’s help. I have prayed this about 2-4 weeks ago, but I pray it again:

Dear Lord, please release me from the power and constriction of computer gaming. I choose to focus on you, Lord, my health and my family, and I need your help.

The last time I prayed that prayer, curious events occurred that I can only attribute to God’s power and touch on my life. I saw an online ad for an EQII expansion (a game), checked it out and downloaded it. After playing, I got hooked. I bought the expansion but then had an incredibly hard time getting the game installed.

I gave up on it and ended up buying WoW (another game). I really enjoy playing WoW, but again it’s chewing up ridiculous amounts of my time. Time that I could be spending with [my wife]. Time I could be spending with my children. I am simply disgusted with the choice I keep making to play these games.

When I look back on [my daughter’s] childhood, I want to have countless moments remembered, not a blur of virtual reality games. I want to remember.

I just watched the moving Click tonight, and something really hit home with me. Much of the time, I’m running on auto-pilot. I need to focus on being in the moment. If I’m talking with [my wife], I need to listen more. I need to take a more involved interest in [my oldest daughter’s] life and everything she’s going through. If [my younger daughter] wants to play or read, I need to give her my complete attention. She is more important than almost anything else that could be happening at the time. If she could really talk, she’d probably tell me to get off the darn computer, just like what I get mad at [my wife] for saying or implying.

Lord, I need your help in finding and establishing a healthy pattern of behavior to replace the craving for gaming.

Thank you, Lord, for all you have provided and done for me already throughout my life. Thank you for my and my family’s health and happiness. Thank you for all you provide. Please help me get free from computer gaming if it is in your will. Remove the hunger for it. Replace the craving with a craving to build better relationships with family and friends. Thank you for answering my prayers. Amen.