My Walk with Christ
An ordinary guy on a supernatural journey.
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Getting Back on God’s Track
Posted on November 15th, 2010 No commentsLord Jesus. I’m complete with the task you set before me. I have read all of my journal entries.Michael, why are you not excited?To be honest, I suppose I’m nervous about what’s next.Why are you nervous?I suppose I wonder whether doing what you want me to do next is going to feel as forced as the last task.Why did the last task feel forced?I don’t know, it just did. While reading the entries, I felt a sense of just wanting to be done with the task so I could move on to the next thing, which I suppose I hope is more aligned with what I want to be doing.Why do you care about what you want to be doing? You already know that this is not your project. You already know that I will bless what you allow me to do through you. You already know there is blessing in obeying me. Many times, there is even more blessing when you obey despite naturally not wanting to obey. When you show me that you are doing what I want you to do for no other reason than I want you to do it, that will be immensely blessed.I understand. Lord Jesus, what is wrong with me right now? I feel like I’m hearing you, but I feel this resistance inside.You’re allowing unholy forces to influence you. Alcohol, the computer games you are playing, and the television programs you are watching are creating this dissonance in you. It’s part of the enemy’s plan. It’s something that many people are caught up in and don’t even know it. You tell them to control their influences and they don’t take it seriously. These influences condition your heart in ways that are contrary to my conditioning. I have to recondition the damage done. Instead of building upon what we had, now we need to recover lost ground.Lord Jesus. Please create in me a clean heart. Please protect me from myself. Please give me strength and wisdom when choosing what I allow to influence me.Michael, remember that it’s not necessarily all games, or all television that is contrary to my nature. There is a lot that is, but it doesn’t mean that I’m asking you to not do those things entirely. It’s the nature of the games and the nature of the television programs that determines whether it can damage our relationship – whether it will cause dissonance, which is what you’re feeling now.So what’s next?Well, you are not ready for your next assignment. You need to realign with me to be ready. The more consistent our communion, the more protected you will be against these forces. Rely on me for your strength. Call on me in times of anticipated weakness. I will be there, and will act through you if you call upon me.Lord, I am so sorry.Don’t be sorry. Repent. Turn your back on the behavior and renew your commitment to our relationship. You haven’t lost much.. yet. Get things back on track and we’ll have much to do.Ok, Lord. Here I go…Ok, I’m done with my laptop. Both games are uninstalled and my account is cancelled.
How do you feel?I feel good. Like somehow clear.Your guilt is no longer present. There’s some residual clean up on your main computer at home, but I trust that will be taken care of tonight.Yes Lord.Michael, you are ready for your next assignment.Already? I thought I’d have to reconnect with you. I was expecting that I’d have to show my commitment through better choices in the other areas.Michael, the process has already begun. And, the computer games were a primary issue. You know that they impact your entire life – your relationship with me, your relationship with your wife and children, your focus on your commitments like work. That one act is a huge step back in the right direction. You do need more follow through, but we don’t need to hold anything up in waiting. If you do not follow through, your ministry will be affected negatively.Ok, so what would you like me to do now?What do you want to do Michael?You’re putting the next step in my hands?I want to see where your heart is.I instinctively want to do something technical. I want to get the site better set up for people to register for their own blogs. But I get the sense that maybe that wasn’t the point all along. I get the sense that the teaching that has been flowing from my rereading of my journal entries is the main point right now. And I want to stay in your will. I want to subject my will to yours. I insist – what would you have me do, Lord?You are right, Michael. The technical components are a ‘backburner’ issue right now. Right now, as I’ve been preparing you for (as you know), I want you to comprehensively read what you have written as a result of your reading your journal. Then, I want you to review all entries that have either ‘myvoice’ or ‘godsvoice’ and see if there’s anything you’ve missed. Then, you are to continue to write and edit the content.First of all, I do know what you mean about preparing me. I have had the feeling that this was the direction you would provide for about a week now.Second, it’s interesting to me that you’ve now given me three tasks at once.
Third, how will I know I’m done with the third task?
I’m giving you one task, but breaking it into chunks that are more simple to understand and follow. Also, you will know when you’re done when I tell you you’re done.So this task doesn’t have a tangible way to know that it’s complete?No, Michael. I want this task to be considered complete when I tell you it’s complete and direct you into another task. This will require you to continue to consult with me to determine when you are complete. This task will be one in which I guide much more intimately. Stay tuned to me in the moments and I’ll guide your keystrokes.Yes Lord. I’m excited to see what you produce through me.As am I. -
Comfort and Guidance
Posted on November 12th, 2010 No commentsLord Jesus. I’m here to be with you.Michael, you are always with me, and I with you.Lord, I just didn’t know how to start. I’m ashamed of my recent choices.I know, Michael. You don’t need to be ashamed. You haven’t sinned, but you have been distracted. Your distractions are a normal part of this process. The sooner you can identify a distraction and choose to walk away from it, the sooner our relationship can flourish from that decision. Some people can spend years, or even their entire life in distraction. Your sensitivity to it is a good thing. It reveals your heart.Thank you for your encouragement. It’s what I needed to hear. I sense that you’re not condoning my choices, but are telling me that our relationship will not grow as strong as quickly as you’d like it to until I remove these distractions.That’s correct, Michael. But don’t misunderstand. These things you are distracting yourself with – alcohol, games – have the potential power to cause damage to our relationship. Any relationship without communication is sick at best or dead at worst. I want our relationship to be alive and passionate. I want you to have passion for submitting to me, because of the fruit you see in your life because of my influence.Lord, I do see fruit. I know that my relationship with you is far better than I ever previously hoped was possible. At the same time, I want to help others.Hold on Michael. You can’t be saying that you’re choosing distraction because your website isn’t a “hit” yet, can you?Well, I suppose you cut to the root of it. It seems silly when you put it like that. You told me specific things to do, and I’m still not done with the task. How can I be complaining about anything.Michael, do you not see what is flowing from my work in you? Truth and wisdom is being prepared for the world. There is much in store for you. Stay persistent, do not be discouraged. Stay forthcoming with me. I can bear your burdens, and shed light on your clouded perceptions.I understand Lord.Is my progress on the current task pleasing to you?
Other than the distractions? Yes, it is. You have taken the task seriously. You are squeezing wisdom out of every relevant journal entry and preparing it for presentation to the world. Many people will be blessed by this work. It’s still in very raw form, though.Is it ok that I’ve published it in raw form?Yes, your motive is right. You want the information available, even if that means that you risk someone else capitalizing on your idea. That shows trust in me, which I will bless.I’m frustrated that I have not received the type of feedback that I would expect from those nearest to me. Even [my wife] hasn’t even looked at the website (as far as I know), even though I’ve brought it up twice with her. Why do I feel so isolated in this endeavor.You’re not isolated. I am with you. I am working through you. You do not need feedback, but I understand why you’re looking for it.Acceptance and approval?To a certain extent yes, but you’re also looking for Biblical confirmation from those you trust, which is fine. However, it’s not necessary, which is why I have not moved these people to respond in the way that you hope.Why not?I want you to trust in me. I created you with extraordinary talent, and now you have opened yourself up to me so that I may use that talent for my purposes. I want to mold you before I send in reinforcements to help this project take shape.Ok. I trust you Lord. It leaves me feeling empty.. like why am I really doing this if those who are closest to me don’t even appreciate it to the extent that I would expect. I mean if [my wife] were investing herself into something to this extent, I would want to help in any way I could. I would want to support her.She supports you Michael. Just not in the way you look for. In some ways, she’s fearful of this path you’re headed down, and rightfully so, since you’ve talked very little with her about your communion with me.So, what do you want me to do now? Actually, what do you want to do through me now?Stay on task, Michael. Finish what you started and there will be another task.Should I have pursued the non-profit status?It’s not necessary, but it wouldn’t hurt.So, you’re ambivalent to the corporate structure?I couldn’t care less about the corporate structure.So you don’t care whether it’s funded by marketing dollars or by donations?Who said anything about funded?Doesn’t every project need capital?You have the money you need for now on this project. You also have skill in many areas that will allow you to complete tasks in a very cost-effective way. Don’t worry about money. It’s not something to focus on right now.So, the corporate structure doesn’t matter because there’s no need for a corporation, because there’s no real money involved.Exactly.I understand. I was just hoping that this project would get me to a place financially where … actually, after re-reading some of my entries, I’m going to go in a different direction with this… I was hoping that this project would provide me with greater freedom of time – greater freedom to do what you call me to do, when you call me to do it. Right now, I obviously, have a 40+ hour per week commitment that gets in the way.Michael, how can you say that? You’ve chosen distraction over the past week, and you’re saying that if I provided you with more time, that it would be devoted to me? One step at a time, Michael.Lord, I have been POURING time into this project, and you know that. I love you Lord, and I trust you, but it’s frustrating that you would call me out on spending a little time doing other things that I enjoy.Well, that’s basically the point. You are choosing those other things because at the time, they are more appealing to you than communing with me. How do you think I interpret that? You have been pouring time into this project for a few months. I have been guiding and protecting you your entire life. I don’t need to explain further do I?No, Lord you don’t. I am sorry. I have no right to justify myself in choosing to do anything with my discretionary time than seeking you. I choose to seek you first. I choose to do everything in my power to ensure an intimate relationship with you. Please condition my heart to seek you first.This is all part of that conditioning, Michael. I love you, and your growth will take time and there will be bumps along the way, but you are responding well, and will be blessed based on your heart and your obedience.Is there anything else you want to tell me at this time?Just that you don’t need to expect or seek profound insight whenever we talk. I just want you to express what’s on your heart, so that I can comfort you and guide you. Intimacy is far more than a teacher-student relationship. I’m not saying that’s what we have, but I want more focus on you revealing your heart to me. By you exposing your heart, you invite me to heal and condition your heart.Thank you Lord. I choose to present my heart to you for your love and conditioning.Let’s talk again soon. -
Foiled
Posted on July 27th, 2010 No commentsWell.. today I received a computer game that I bought from Amazon – StarCraft 2. When I bought it, I thought it would be fun to play the new version of the game that I used to play as a teen. When I installed it, it told me that I had an outdated version of the video card driver. So I downloaded the driver and tried to install it. As it was installing, it appeared to be ‘stuck’.. it just wasn’t progressing for a long time, so I cancelled it. When I tried to run the installer again, my screen went completely black. During a few minutes of waiting, I ‘heard’: Read the rest of this entry »
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The Battle for My Time
Posted on July 16th, 2010 No commentsTonight, I struggled inside with what to do with some extra time I had available when my wife and kids had all gone to sleep. Initially, I wanted to watch what I consider to be an entertaining movie (Avatar). Then, as I was getting myself a cookie and milk for dessert (I like my dessert), I had what was basically a battle in my head over whether I should watch Avatar or something that is more ‘aligned’ with the Lord’s will. The battle went something like this, to the best of my recollection about 20 minutes ago… Read the rest of this entry »
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Distracted again…
Posted on July 1st, 2010 No commentsI just deleted a bunch of games from my phone that were becoming a huge distraction for me. What is my deal with getting addicted to games??? At least this time, I recognized that it was becoming too much of a distraction and was decisive about ridding myself of it. Read the rest of this entry »
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Love – Peace – Prosperity
Posted on February 23rd, 2010 No commentsI asked for God to teach me about distraction. At first, nothing. Patience… Repeated the request. Then, answers. Read the rest of this entry »
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Choosing the Lord
Posted on August 24th, 2009 No commentsI have been distracted by WoW again. I know, I can’t believe it either. Read the rest of this entry »
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Astray
Posted on July 14th, 2009 No commentsI have fallen astray. I have been playing WoW again. I have given in to temptation of lust more than I would like to admit. I am ashamed.
Lord, I am so sorry – I am completely unworthy of your love or forgiveness. I am so so so grateful for your grace and mercy. I know that I am your son and trust that this experience will be used for your glory. Please create in me a clean heart, focused on your will. I pray that you would reignite our relationship once again. I give you my life now and forever more. Amen.I prayed earlier tonight, asking for His direction. He spoke loud and clear that
WoW is getting in the way of our relationship. He asked me to uninstall it and I did.I then asked what else He would like me to do, and the answer was
that’s enough, for nowI have so many better things to be doing with my time than playing a stupid video game. It’s such a time sink.
Please lord, give me strength to resist the temptation of the devil.It feels good to be free from that sin.
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Lust
Posted on May 21st, 2009 No commentsLust is the precursor to what I abhore (adultery). It therefore makes no sense that I would even consider allowing myself to indulge in this sin. -
Beer
Posted on March 8th, 2009 No commentsSince largely giving up drinking (I don’t know how long ago), I have bought six-packs a couple of times. Both times, when I have drank, I have felt that drinking pulls me away from God. God is working in powerful ways in my life right now. Alcohol seems to (in reflecting on my experiences and state of mind afterwards) result in a disconnection from God. I am not willing to accept any behavior in myself the would result in diminishment of my connection with God. I want to live out God’s plan for me. I need to be ‘in tune’ or in touch with his directives.