Resting and Testing

I’m home alone. The girls are visiting family. I’m sitting here watching movies I don’t normally get a chance to watch with young girls in the house. I get the feeling that I should use this time… I get the feeling like, ‘if I really think / believe that I’m in direct communication with the Creator, why wouldn’t I spend every available minute of my day, every discretionary moment, if not every waking moment, in contact with Him?’ I started to fight off that feeling, having just started another movie. Then I had the feeling that, what if I just reached out to Him, just invited Him in, and see where it takes me. Even if it took the remainder of the night, wouldn’t that be infinitely more valuable to me than watching a movie?

Lord, I’m here at what I believe is your calling. I hear you. I am responding to …

Michael, listen. What I have to say to you is not going to be easy to hear.

In the name of Jesus Christ, I receive your guidance and wisdom.

Michael, be patient. Wait for me. I am living in you. I am living through you. Your life is not your own, you belong to me.

…

You are struggling to find answers. You have many questions. I am here to tell you to stop. You have already found what is the only thing you truly need to know. You can stop your incessant ‘search’. You’re already found. I found you, I’m holding you right now. You can feel comfort in my arms.

I accept that, Lord. I praise you, thank you and love you for loving me. I am nothing, and yet you love me. I used to be a searcher. I am now found, and content in that knowledge. I accept that ..

Michael, stop. You don’t have to continue on. I know your heart. You are saying the right words, but your heart is not following. Your heart leads. You are passing this off as if it was easy to hear and respond to. That is exactly why I said it would be hard to hear. You really need to hear this. I’m not looking for a response. I’m not looking for a commitment. I’m not asking for anything. You are found, Michael. Rest in that.

What do you mean ‘rest in that’?

Take it for granted and move past it. You can ‘rest’ in the knowledge that you are found; that you are saved. Move on.

What do you mean ‘move on’?

You are spinning around in your head about things which you are spiritually past. Your time on earth is limited. I want to use you, but I must be allowed to act through you. I cannot do that as long as you are turning my love, grace and mercy into a ‘head trip’.

I’m not sure I understand.

It’s your pride Michael. It always stems back to pride. I allow your free will, but can not act through you without you releasing your pride. Your ‘search for truth’ is rooted in your pride. Wanting to know your path, for example, is your way of asking me what I want you to do, when what I want is to act through you. You don’t need to know the path in order to let me act through you. In fact, NOT knowing the path demonstrates trust in me, which is a demonstration of humility and subjugation. It’s not, ‘what do you want me to do’, it’s ‘my heart is yours, do with it and my life what is your will’.

I understand.

I know you intellectually understand what I’m saying, but this goes much much deeper.

What should I do… I did it again, didn’t I?

Yes, that’s the issue.

Lord, my heart and my life are yours. Do with them what is your will.

Those are the words, Michael. Now we need to work on the spirit behind them.

How is that done?

Testing.

Oh boy… that doesn’t sound good.

You know you love tests Michael. There’s a reason for that. You will be tested. How you respond will determine how active I am able to be in your life.

Is this ‘testing’ any different from other times in my life? I mean, are you going to do something different?

No, Michael. But these tests will be suited for your spiritual maturity. You are a growing spiritual being.

I always had the impression that my spirit was something that was unchanging. That it was eternal.

What gave you that idea?

Who knows…

I am eternal. You are a created being, and that includes your ‘spirit’. Be careful about your assumptions Michael. That’s part of the reason why my word is recorded on paper.

So my spirit is created, and goes through maturity?

Yes.

Is my human, mortal life the entire maturation process?

Yes.

Hmm.. that sounds very profound. Like I’m treading on an area here that some would say cannot be trusted as coming from you.

Are you here to please other people or to listen and record my word?

Obviously the latter.

Then don’t worry about others.

I’m just saying, I think I want to consult the Bible on this, I guess just to make sure that I’m not being ‘creative’ here.

You won’t find this point in the Bible Michael. It does say you are created. It also says your spirit will live forever. But it does not address spiritual maturation in the manner I’m describing.

So you’re telling me that you’re revealing new … I was going to say doctrine, but I’m not even sure that’s the right word.

Michael, it’s a small point, but yes, this is new information – new in that it’s not in other recorded and widely trusted material representing my Word – aka the Bible. But you already know that there is more information available to you, through communion with Me, than what is in the Bible.

True… I guess I’m just still warming up to the idea that you are providing such insights to me.

I could stop if you’d prefer…

No! I don’t want it to stop. I trust these talks. I know they are not of me. And they point to Jesus Christ, so that’s why I trust that they are from You, my Creator.

I have a question for you, Lord.

Hold on. Let’s make sure this point is settled. Let it sink in. Do not rush past it and risk

… (interrupted by a call from [my wife])

You are found, Michael. Rest in that. Just sit back and take that in for a minute, or an hour…

…

Thank you Lord for finding me.

It’s interesting that today I was watching The Matrix, and that movie has so many parallels with Christian faith: being found by a savior, being awakened from a false world, etc. I wonder if my prayers tonight have been influenced by my watching The Matrix, or whether my watching The Matrix was the Lord preparing me for this prayer or understanding what He’s saying better, by seeing it from another perspective.
…

Lord, may I ask something?

Hold on Michael. What you just typed as narrative, I want to address. You are exactly right – watching that movie was, in a way, preparing you for this very discussion. It does provide you with another perspective that can help make this more real for you. Obviously, the movie veers quite a bit from my truths, but it has value nonetheless. Its value for you, right now, is this: you can ‘wake up’ or ‘rest’ in the knowledge that you’ve been found. Your former reality is not the true reality. ‘You’ve been living in a dream world’ as the movie puts it. My reality has much more in store for you. By opening yourself to my power and my will, you also will perform amazing feats in my name. I am ‘the one’, and I can act through you to do amazing things. But you must realize that you are not who you think you are. Your worldly reality is but an illusion, a shadow of a greater reality.

Then what’s the point of my being here in this ‘shadow’ of a reality?

Spiritual maturity. I am your spiritual father. Your earthly father is just that, but I am raising you to spiritual maturity, so that you may, someday, reign with me in my name in the reality that truly matters.

So this life is a test?

Not a ‘test’ in the manner in which you mean.

Then what?

‘Test’ is not a bad thing. It does not mean that this life does not matter. In fact, as you know, testing makes you stronger, it helps you grow, it promotes maturity. So, in that sense, yes, this life is your ‘test’. But, not ‘test’ in that you can pass or fail, and that that result means something positive or negative in the afterlife. In fact, the only true test of that nature is the one in which you potentially reject me as your Lord and Savior. But you are past that. You are found. And you will now rest in that. You can feel good about the ‘testing’ that ensues in the interest of your spiritual maturity. I will raise you well, Michael – trust me.

I trust you Lord. Thank you for testing me. Thank you for testing me in ways that will not break me. Thank you for your patience with me. Please reach in to my heart and give me rest in the truth that I am found. I ask that you remind me, help me realize it more and more – make it more and more of a reality for my heart.

I will. Now, did you have a question?

It’s about healing. I have felt that, in the past, I may have been a conduit for your healing power for those in my life. Is this true? Have you healed through me, through my prayer?

I have, Michael. Your prayer life is extremely powerful, and you’re only now realizing it. You prayed for those people straight from your heart, straight from your love for them, which is what I respond to most. I can say no, remember. And there will be times where you may think it unfair that I say no, but that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t try. I want you to try. I want to heal through your intent and your prayer.

Man…

You are unique, Michael. You are special to me and my plan.

I just want what you want. I’m tired of just trying to say the right words. I want you to condition my heart for your purposes, Lord Jesus. I don’t feel special. I feel blessed that you would choose me to experience your love flowing into others lives. Thank you.

Is there more on your mind?

I’m feeling exhausted – spiritually exhausted, if that’s possible.

It is possible. You are growing spiritually. That will exhaust you spiritually. Just like physical exertion or mental exertion (testing) and growth will tax you physically or mentally. The same is true for spiritual growth.

This has been an amazing prayer time. I pray that I would be able to grow in my ability to last longer in prayer before exertion.

Then, stay with me a bit longer and see where this goes. You only grow when you will yourself past the point of sensing the urge to stop / quit.

Ok. I’m all ears. I don’t have…

Stop. You’re doing it again. You don’t have to keep explaining.

Ok… I receive…

Stop looking for the right words to say and just speak to me, Michael. You’re over-thinking. What’s in your heart – put it into words.

I want your instruction. i want spiritual growth. I want to be closer to you. I want you to act through me.

There, that wasn’t so hard, was it? What else is on your mind?

I want my family to be safe. I want them to have a comfortable life. I want them to know you, Lord, intimately. I’m concerned about [my wife’s] relationship with you. I don’t know what to do.

Do what is in your power to do.

It’s in my power to pray for her. Lord, please reveal yourself to [my wife]. Please show her a glimpse of who you are. Please create in her a hunger for knowing you better, for prayer, for Bible study. Please help her see that her relationship with you is the single most important thing for her as a woman, as a mom, as a wife.

Why do you want these things?

Because I love her and I love you. Also becuase I love my children and I want her to be a good spiritual nfluence for them.

She is already a good spiritual influence on them in ways in which you are not.

I know… I just sense that she doesn’t take her relationship with you very seriously at all. I just pray that you would find her, Lord. Please find her, wake her from the dream reality, show her the true reality, your reality. I pray this in Jesus’ name.

It’s done Michael. She will know me. I will find her.

Is this for real? It’s as simple as asking?

It’s as simple as loving, and asking in my name.

Can I ask for financial freedom in your name?

How does your financial freedom come from love for others?

Hmm.. well, when I have financial freedom, I’ll be free to spend more of my time on loving others, because I won’t need to spend that time on a job that has nothing to do with what really matters.

Well, you don’t need financial freedom to do that. You took a good step today with your application to the job posting (for [the ministry]).

I wondered whether that was your will. Then I figured I should do my part and then trust you would take it from there.

Indeed. You didn’t need to know the path. You acted and trusted me with responding. If that is not my will, you have not lost much by testing the waters.

I am really exhausted now. But I want to keep going, and keep growing. I open myself to your word.

Michael, there’s also a point at which continuing to test becomes counter-productive. We’ve done enough tonight. You already have much to consider and to integrate. Let’s not risk overburden. I’d rather you be ready to talk again tomorrow. I value consistency a great deal. Have a restful night.

Thank you Lord.