Arrived in Hawaii

We arrived in Maui today – wow, what a day. Quite a different experience with a 5 yr old and 1 yr old daughters (and 17 yr old stepdaughter). My youngest daughter was far better on the plane trip that we expected, but was still apparently very taxing on my wife. I helped where I could, but my youngest daughter is just so attached to my wife – very clingy at this stage.

What I really wanted to write about was how this trip is a completely different experience from the last time I was here. I keep sensing that I have unrealistic expectations that this trip is going to feel somehow similar to the last time I was here – my honeymoon with my wife. Obviously that will not be the case, but I can’t shake the expectations. If I can’t shake the expectations, then I am doomed to disappointment.

Some of the ways I feel my expectations are unrealistic include:

• I keep reminiscing about how it felt to cruise in the convertible we had here last time. That was a great experience, and I wish to have it again, but this time we have kids and … a minivan.
• The ability to actually sit and relax and enjoy the sound of the waves and a nice quiet dinner with adult company. Again, obviously not going to happen much.
• Being able to do what we want to do. It’s obviously a struggle doing what you want to do when you have kids with you.
• I expect peace. Obviously a 5 and 1 year old are not conducive to peace, in the sense that I’m expecting.

I feel very selfish writing these things. It’s just that our last trip here was basically a dream – and rightfully so, it was our honeymoon.

So, Lord, what is the right perspective on how to make the most of this time with my whole family?

Michael, it’s a good thing that some foundational elements are so different. You will never recreate your honeymoon. You are right that your experience this week will be fundamentally different, and that if you have unrealistic expectations, then the week will be very unpleasant for you.

So how do I reset my expectations?

…

Lord, how do I reset my expectations?

Michael, that’s the wrong question.

What is the right question?

The question isn’t about how do you reset your expectations, it’s how do you make this trip into one you want to try to recreate next time also?

Wow, that is a different perspective. But, last time I was here, we weren’t trying to create experience, we just had great experiences.

Interesting…

Ahh.. I hit on it didn’t I? Instead of having a wonderful time, with the people in my life I love most, I’m trying to create or recreate a wonderful time, and it is doomed to failure?

Good perception.

So the key is to let go. Wait, did I hit on another key point? Trying to create a great time is a mind-game, whereas just having a great time is allowing my heart to lead?

Yes, Michael. Be present, allow your heart to lead, and you will not be disappointed. Also, continue to keep coming to me daily.

Yes, Lord.